[Last Friday night, as we headed to our favorite restaurant, The Texas Roadhouse]
Him: So, lemme guess, you're gonna get the slab of ribs, loaded mash potatoes and the green beans with bacon?
Me: Yeah. Oh, and a water. I don't wanna get fat.
Tale of Em's Mams and One Goofy Drunk (and for once, not me)
[At Em's house, Monday night]
Me: Oh my God.... MY EYES! MY EYES! Em, holy cow, those things are HUGE. The circumference alone...put those things away, willya?
Her: Yeah, I know. Definitely gives another level of meaning to the phrase "dinner plates".
[Later, on speaker phone with our Dad and stepma, Kris]
Me: Kris, I sent you and Dad some pics on Kodak Gallery (of Elizabeth)...to his work address and your hotmail account.
Kris:Your father is trying to get them as we speak...(to my father) what? you can't get them? (to me) Hold on, here's your father, I'm gonna check...
Me: Dad? What you can't get into HOTMAIL ...
Dad: We can't get them with the Mac, so now we're trying with the IBM...
Dad: (as he realizes he's on speakerphone) Who's there by the way?
Em: Just us, Dad. Me, Jen, Kristof, the baby, ... the dog.
Em: You run a LARGE COMPANY and you can't get into e-mail?? what do you do? Run to Claudia (his assistant)at the first sign of distress? "Oh, CLAU-DEE-AAAAH? CLAU-DEE-AAAH...can you do this for me? " Jesus, Dad, it's just hotmail for chrissake.
Jen: You got dueling computers? Wait, you're telling me you can't get into hotmail on a Mac? Dad, just type in "H, O, ..." (this conversation now taking on Mom proportions, mention same to Em. We mock quietly).
Dad: Ah, she's got them! Okay, let's see what we got here....
Dad: She looks just like you, Jen! (sees next pic) Yep, she looks just like you, Jen!
Em: You are aware that I'm the one that had the baby, right Dad?
Dad: Awww, so cute. She looks just like you, Jen!
Em: You realize I just spent 36 hours in labor and am very hormonal right now, right. Dad.?
Dad: 36? I thought it was 24. That sounds about average.
[about now I think Em's about to spontaneously burst into flames as Dad is at Defcon 5 busting Em's chops]
Em: Um, no, it was closer to 36 actually.
Dad: So, who's there by the way?
Em: Still just us Dad...me, Jen....
Me (whispering to Em): I think Dad's drunk.
Dad: Jen, gimme a "What- EV-errrr".
Me: (weakly) What-ev-errr.
Dad: No, "What-EV-errrr"
Me: (slightly more enthusiasm) "Wha-EV-errrrrr"
Dad: No, you're doing it wrong ...it's....
Me: What. Ev. Errrrrrrrrr!
Me sidebar to Em: When have I ever been known to say this? Even when it was popular to say, I don't think I really used this. What the??
Em: Yep, Dad's definitely drunk.
Dad: So who's there?