Sometimes little girls are cute and sweet and precious and some more cute.
And sometimes... sometimes they go the way of The Hulk:
Pissed off for being denied juice ("Juice, woman! I told you, I want some GOD. DAMN. JUICE!" [/taps baby vein]), Libs/mini-Hulk here turned green, grew 3x her size, split her shirt open, and took out her displeasure on some unsuspecting kitchen cabinets while spitting a string baby obscenities over her mother's bullshit call.
She's kicking the cabinets without shoes by the way. That is some hardcore shit right there.
Yeah, I would not want to run into her in a dark alley, that I know.
Over the weekend, Mike, Jess, Jeremiah and FancyBoy Gengis Edward R. Murrow Tonto McLovin, PLAYER TO BE NAMED went to see Superbad at the cinema. Throw away your Entertainment Weeklys, for my super movie reviewing skills will tell you much that you need to know.
I liked Superbad. It was very funny. Sometimes even really, very funny.
Alright fine, if you were to press me for more, it was Knocked Up, but not as awesome. Michael Cera is stellar, nailing the awkward pause and nervous speech cadence and his performance of The Guess Who's "These Eyes" truly impressive. Inspiring even. I mean, that song is still stuck in my head 4 days later.
Personally, I liked Knocked Up better because it had Leslie Mann in it and she has some serious comedic chops ("Who the hell are you? You're just a DOORMAN!...DOORMAN!"). And Katherine Heigl is cool in it and also, the snotty E! employee who undermines Heigl's character (I believe she is an SNL alum) basically steals the scenes she's in. I guess I like funny women. Whatever.
But the BEST most FAVORITE part of the movie? Was before the movie. And no, I do not mean the previews (because normally I would be meaning the previews).
It was ticket taker guy's performance.
Somehow I ended up with all 4 tickets and as we were one by one making our way from the concession/unarmed robbery place, I was the first to appear to ticket taker.
And then he said those magic words:
"Ticket and ID please?"
Oh, yes, yes he said that. To me. Me, the 34.5 year old chick who is typing this right this minute.
To see a rated R movie.
To bounce people 17 or less.
(and I was NOT wearing a baseball cap. I looked/dressed "normal".)
Because the R rating was generated from Swear words. The word "fuck" appears many times. I needed to be protected from this.
So I am standing there genuinely thinking I am being punked, or he's teasing me or something.
(it's either that or I was standing in some really fabulous lighting)
So ball-bust him back a little with, "and the ID's forrrr? "
"For the movie."
When I realize he's not really digging my vibe, I turn around thinking maybe there are a few young people standing behind me that he's making me his example of "we card even the old peoples". No one was there. So I scanned the area to see where Mike & Co. were (since I had their tickets, I needed to hold up anyway) and they are nowhere to be found.
So no one is there to witness this awesome funny thing.
Since I was waiting on the crew anyway, I realized I had some time for small talk.
"Uh, okay, but so you know, I'm 34."
"We have to card everyone who looks 25 and under."
(sure, at this point I was practically beaming)
Mike was the first round the corner and when I saw him I yelled, "Hey Mike,[laugh-laugh] he wants to see MY ID....you're gonna need your license."
As I dug into my POCKETBOOK for my wallet, the guy took a look at Mike, then back at me and said, "oh, nevermind it. Just your tickets."
(sorry mike ...yeah, sorry that you don't look 22.)
Man, I can only imagine if I had used sunscreen all those years I roasted. I bet I'd look downright fetal.
Something about going on a boat cruise for work, for a celebration of the anniversary of your division in the Organization, where it'll be just you and division people, and being told you're going to board the boat...
Yeah, don't get me wrong, I like my co-workers but...
Anyone in who has worked in a financial or insurance industry knows exactly why when I say today is going to suck hard an tomorrow is not going to be much better.
Today is the last day before our annual audit.
Today is the day you go through all your files. Today, these last 24 hours before the auditors come in, is the day you are essentially throwing the Hail Mary pass at these files, making the sign of the cross, and then praying you still get to keep your job by the time Thursday, when the grades are handed out, rolls around.
Not that anyone likes being audited, but man, I really hate this part of the job. I really, really do.
Oh yeah, wanna know what else? Today I found out that I am out of underwear. I mean, other than the 2 which are never worn because they are more, um..., well, more fashion than function. Man, these are not very practical (seriously, what the hell was I even thinking)? And really, it's either this or a bathing suit bottom...soooo, okay then.
In an effort to turn this frown upside down, I am posting a few things that actually make me laugh:
The thing about Owen is that he adores his big sister. He wants, very much, to do all the things she does. Sarah wears princess dresses. Guess who else does, too? Anyway, as a few months ago, Sarah got prescription glasses (right, her "contact lenses"). Now guess who wears her pink, Elton John-inspired sunglasses as his regular glasses?
Seen here at breakfast:
Hold me closer, tiny dancer.
2. Jim Gaffigan
I first saw Jim in NYC in the mid-90s and remember dying laughing when I saw him. This past July, I saw that he was performing near Boston and took Mike to see him because I knew it'd be up his alley. He ended up liking his act better than Kathy Griffin (which was his birthday gift). If you don't get a chance to see him perform, I highly recommend his latest CD, Beyond the Pale.
Here we are doing the prom pose (his idea, which did he have some psychic powers that prom pose is one of my favorite poses ever?) I, of course, am to giddy to get it together to really work prom pose (thus this big, stupid grin) because I love him.
I mean, anyone who can dedicate 15 minutes of his act to bacon gets my undying affection. To wit (and loosely quoted from my memory):
Bacon: so awesome it sounds like applause when it's cooking.
You know, without bacon, we'd never know about certain other foods. "wanna water chestnut?" Nah. "How about if I wrap it in some bacon?" Oh, well, I wouldn't want to be rude.
I think some foods owe bacon a thank you putting them on the map.
"Dear Bacon, Thank you for being so awesome. Sincerely, Water Chestnut III"
Though not relating to bacon, this was also good:
"I love the inpatience of New York... You ever had somebody not-ask you for directions, but demand them? You're just innocently walking down the street, you hear a horn, all of a sudden some guy's like, 'HOLLAND TUNNEL!!!' ...You know like you were supposed to fax this guy directions. Suddenly, you're wasting HIS time. 'Let's go buddy! Holland tunnel!' '...Uh..I-I was just going to the store... I didn't realize it was my shift. Well, let's see... the Holland Tunnel is in my ass... alright?"”
As of this weekend, I have offically equipped all 3 of my nieces and nephew with the phrase "BOO-YAH". Libs being the last of the 3 munchkins and, according to Lib's mom, she won't STOP saying it. Perfection.
This past weekend I was in Chicago, where as luck had it, BlogHer was being held. I can't really say I went to BlogHer. I can say I went NEAR BlogHer. I hung out with people who attended BlogHer. But I did not participate IN BlogHer. So any recap forthcoming will be more of the weekend spent in one of my favorite cities and how I saw some of my blogosphere homeslices.
But this isn't that post.
A few days before leaving for Chicago, I could feel myself getting sick. Nothing earth-shattering but a sore throat and general "ehh" feeling. So I sucked it up and hoped it'd rectify itself and went off business as usual to Chicago on Thursday morning.
That evening, I went out for dinner with my Dad to the "this is Chicago" steakhouse, Gibson's and we talked about important father/daughter things, like how Lindsay Lohan is so fuh-uccccked and how we both thought her "deadpan" "but it wasn't MY coke in my pants pocket" could secure her a spot on Last Comic Standing it's so hilarious. Overall, a great night with the old man.
Side story: Do you ever have one of those moments with a parent and in that moment you realize, "ah, so THAT'S where I get it from"? After dinner we were walking back to his place and he said those magic words,
"Hey, you mind if we just pop in here for a minute - I want to check something out." and when I looked up, I was pretty jazzed.
For you see, even though it wasn't Sephora, or Tiffany's or the Apple Store...
It was the Adidas shop.
Apparently, the man likes their stuff.
It was in that store I learned that, like me, my Dad cannot stop buying sneakers. He, like me, ends up giving pairs away. He, like me, is on an unspoken probation from the significant other. He, like me, knows the last thing we need is another pair.
He, like me, will not let that stop them for buying another pair anyway.
(This was taken in January - 2 are gone to my sister's house, and I may have bought a pair of Puma's in Hawaii.)
However, Friday morning I woke up and felt AWFUL. My throat is killing me and (fun-fun) I'm coughing up green stuff which is pretty indicative of a upper respiratory infection. Long story short, my Dad hooks my up with his doc in Chicago and I get medicine for the URI.
On the way out of the office, I see a man walking over to a chair in a lounge area about to make a phone call .
"Man, that that guy looks a lot like Mike Ditka. ...wait a sec, you're in Chicago, that IS Mike Ditka."
Still bouncing off my high of spotting an INTERNATIONAL CELEBRITY Mike Ditka, I headed to the evening festivities of BlogHer, eventually landing at the W hotel, conversing all night with a consistent yell, so as to be heard over the blaring music.
Saturday morning I awoke with no voice (to answer Tammie's question, so no sing-a-longs for me). I sound a cross between a young Kathleen Turner (sexy), a barking seal (not sexy) and a bicycle horn (also not sexy). Five days later, I still have a bad case of laryngitis. I figure between the URI, the yelling in a nightclub, the alcohol (drying to the throat), minimal water consumption, it was basically the perfect storm for me to end up this way.
Upon hearing my outgoing message at work today, my sister put it best, "you sound ridiculous."
I know, via Dr. Google, that I'm supposed to do a lot of things, like not talk, not whisper, lay off the caffeine, drink room temperature drinks, drink a ton of water, stuff like that. But my question is - when do I get concerned? Over a week? Am I causing permanent damage to my vocal chords by talking? (I have to work - there's no getting around it.)
Dr. Google says this usually clears up in about a few days to a week, usually when/after the URI has cleared. But I don't feel sick now, so...what gives?