For those of you who do not know what I do (which including my friends, would mean just about everybody), I can tell you that I am not management. After reading the following excerpts of actual conversations with my manager, I think it's safe to say that that's probably gonna remain the case.
[manager in his office and has door closed. I open it and stand in the doorway to give him a quick update on an account]
Me: So, I called Peter and he has the policy now and he's all.....[smells something rather pungent in the air]...um, sorry,... but did you just fart?
Manager: [shocked but laughing] No, I did not fart.
Me: Sorry, it's just that I smell something really bad over here and it's...[steps into office]...nope, not coming in from here...[steps outside of office] woah, yeah someone out there did something awful. don't want you to think that was me.
Manager: [sniffs] Great - now you're bringing it in here!
Me: [closes door] Sorry. Ya know, I have never, ever asked a boss that before in my entire life.
Manager: And I have never been that asked before.
As if that weren't enough, this exchanged occurred. The deal here was the office has separate wiring instructions depending on whether the account is located domestically or internationally. Pardon my ignorance, but one account was wiring their money from Puerto Rico and this caused me some confusion and this particular account left me zero margin of error, so I had to be 110% I was having the money wired correctly.
Me: So, is Puerto Rico considered domestic or international?
Manager: [quick pause] Domestic.
[more talk on account stuff]
3 minutes later...
Me: So is Puerto Rico considered domestic of international?
Manager: You JUST asked me that 3 minutes ago! It's still domestic. Did you think it changed in those 3 minutes?
To be fair, I'm not that level of dumb. I was trying to trick him into giving a different answer because I didn't think he was completely sure on this either and I HAD TO BE SURE. Screwing up on this account was not an option. In the end, all I did was end up looking like an simpleton employee with no memory recall.
So, dumb things you've said to your boss? Said by your boss?