I do not really remember a time before the microwave, and quite honestly, I'd rather not. I just know that without it, I would probably never eat. And that would be bad. So for that I say, THANK YOU, Microwave. You are an incredible appliance and I salute you!
Okay...now that I have sufficiently kissed the microwave's ass, I do have but ONE grievance to file:
The double beep.
When the micro is done cooking whatever, you get the standard 4 long beeps; similar to that of tractor trailer backing up. Okay. Fine. Perfectly acceptable. But what I cannot stand is about a minute later you get the double beep. Like I KNOW. I'm NOT STUPID. And SORRY I COULDN'T GET THERE FAST ENOUGH FOR YOU, PRINCESS MICROWAVE. Heaven forbid I should HAVE- A- LIFE!
God, so annoying.
So sometimes I play my passive aggressive card and don't go as soon as I am told (kinda like when you were a kid and you were told to clean your room..."yeah....I'll get to it,....MOTHER"). And you know what it does?? It double beeps AGAIN. So, you can still be in the middle of something and this sick, twisted cycle will continue to play out. I feel like I am having the following conversation with this appliance:
Micro- 4 beeps: Okay, soup's on...
Me: Okay, super. Thanks!
(Minute goes by...)
Micro 2 beeps: I SAID, SOUP'S. ON.
Me: Okay, sweetie. I'll be right there.
(another minute goes by)
Micro: Hey, lady. Git yo ass over here and git yo soup like I said..
Me: Oh no you di-int
(another minute goes by)
Micro: Oh yes I DID
Me: oh yeah? BRING IT ON, BITCH
(Another minute goes by)
Micro: Oh, I'M BRINGING IT
me: He-eeey, this isn't even hot!
And so the micro gets the last laugh and the process starts all over again.
See, I TOLD you it was a sick, twisted cycle.
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