This is not a Thanksgiving post. This is the Post Thanksgiving Post. It's the latest thing in posts. Really. You can look it up.
For starters, Friday I visited my local salon for a bottle of their Blond Be Gone and a haircut. Note, my instructions included "matching it up to my natural color" but that I "DID NOT WANT ANYTHING RED". Or REDDISH. Or RED HUED. Nothing in the Red fam. Don't even THINK about sneaking an auburn by me. I'm sure the stylist's head exploded because the two aren't exactly mutually exclusive. This will be come to haunt me later.
After I got my hairs did, I stopped by my sister Kate's. Her first words were, "wow, there's a lot of red." I emphatically denied that there was, suggested that she must've been blind, stupid or just plain mean because clearly there is no red in my hair....at best, it was "just the light". She would not relent on her claim and I then proceeded to throttle her. No, really, I took her by the arms and shook her until she took it back. "TAKE IT BACK!" said I. "SAY IT'S BROWN! SAY IT'S BROWN!!!!!" I think I worked her down to a "whatever, but it does have red in it." Yep, she is getting a crappy Christmas gift.
I got home, Mike pretty much says the same thing. Hmmm, it appears I will be saving a lot of cake on Christmas gifts this year.
To prove my point of how the people in my life who supposedly love me are in fact, downright cruel, here are a couple of shots of me before heading over to Meg & Tim's Saturday night:
Do you see ALL THIS RED that they speaketh of??? Interesting, me neither.
So off to Meg & Tim's we were - me, Mike and my BROWN hair.
One of the first questions I got was would I like something to drink ("oh, WOULD I!?")and we got the usual selections presented to us and I was gonna go with wine. As I was thinking I was getting wine, Meg asked, "OH! Do you want a poinsettia?" and I'm all, "uh, SURE!" thinking, "hey, that'll spruce up the place for the holidays....boy, this party sure is fancy if they're handing out plants....they must've gotten a bunch when they were selling Christmas tree for the Lions Club or something" I totally spaced that it's "not just another pretty shrubbery" but also a drink that combines champagne and cran. So, to cover my embarrassment, I had about eighteen of them. This is what you do.
The dinner table was very fancy. Almost too pretty to eat at even. Hopefully Meg will post the pictures of it on her site which I "made"/suggested she do (and also made/suggested she light the candles for the full blown Martha Stewart effect).
The "Special Guests" of the night were newlyweds Chris and Tim, who came in all the way from St. Louis and are now expecting a baby in the Spring. This meant we hung out with a sober Chris. Who did things like drink MILK. MILK! To the shock of absolutely no one, she still brought IT. "IT" in this case being her BOOBS (holy crap). Yes, the girls talked of boobs and the boys talked of balls. Just like God and nature intended.
Also, after eighteen poinsettias, you will propose to yourself at the dinner table with the sparkley star napkin ring. And then you will propose to the people next to you. You will say things like, "you make good wife." This is what you do.
Anyway, the party was awesome and we did things like:
Ate
Drank
and be Merried.
And, what was coined a "A Thanksgiving miracle!", Colleen told us about how ComCast has karaoke. Free. A few songs that I can recall being belted out were: "If I had a $1,000,000", "Let's Talk About Sex", "Oh My Darlin' Clementine", the Buffalo Roam song (you know, the usual. if anyone else can remember the songs, help me out here.) By the way, even with the words written out, RAPPING IS F'N HARD. I think Jer was the only one that could keep up. Yeah, the boy from Ohio who didn't even have a TV growing up. Who knew?
Oh, and also the true mark of any successful soiree?
Spillage.
That's salt soaking up the wine spillage (not done by me! At least, I am pretty sure). By the end of the night, both sides of the coffee table looked like this. We are never getting invited back, are we?
I noticed since I've been collecting photos with my big, fancy digital camera, I seem to have amassed a sort of collection of people flipping me off. Lovely.
So, in the spirit of "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em":
Oh the way out, the hair subject will come up again, like I said it would, and Tim will say to me, "it's red" and I will repeat "it's not red". You know that scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams is in his office with Matt Damon trying to break him down with his famous, "It's not your fault....It's not your fault....It's not your fault"? Well, we both tried to take on the Robin Williams role to see who'd snap first. Yeaaaaaah, that prize went to me. A little synaptic break, I did. Then I proceeded to tackle a guy twice my size [See: eighteen poinsettias]. Also, don't let the pearl encrusted cardigan fool you. I street. Compton? South-side Chicago? Bronx? A child's Romper Room compared to where I comes from (uh, "yo"). Vernon, CT. You can look it up. It hardcore. Any high school with a Vo-Ag program? For reals? C'mon, "4-H in the Hizzouse", bizyatches. DON'T MESS WITH THE RAMS, FO' YOU WILL GET THE HORNS! (serious, The Rockville Rams. I kid you not). Maybe someone can buy me a Miss Manners book for Christmas. Or maybe a brain. Because if I HAD had a brain, instead of tackling the host, I could have asked for a doggie bag. (some goooood eatin')
Anyway, if you're interested is silly Post Thanksgiving shenanigans complete with hooligans (Irish and otherwise), go to Flickr.
What gets me is that Meg broke out the boas. That they were so easily accessible, like, in a special emergency boa box in case your friends come over and you do faux karaoke breaks out.
Posted by: jess | November 28, 2005 at 12:48 PM
also, ganked a photo for my own bloggy purposes but will credit.
Posted by: jess | November 28, 2005 at 01:13 PM
Oh, you are so going to be invited again. I have spilled much worse on that rug, like an entire bottle of red nail polish. The rug's days are numbered anyway.
Thanks for the great re-cap. Friends + many drinks + karoke + boas = much fun!
Posted by: Megger | November 28, 2005 at 02:26 PM
Good. It's comforting to hear that it's the RUG'S days that are numbered, and not my welcome.
Jess, do you recall asking me to work on the music, maybe get some 80s tunage and then we said at the same time, "so that we can work on our routines"?? It was a v. special moment.
Also, you are NOT a soporano but like me, an alto. there were a few lines in "if I had a million dollars" I thought I heard some of Meg's more fragile wine glasses shatter in the background.
By the way peeps, the collection of people flipping me off (highlighted in the text) is no longer tagged "private" so you can see them now, if you are so inclined.
Posted by: Jen | November 28, 2005 at 02:35 PM
Sigh. It looks like so much fun. I am envious.
And the song is "Home on the Range".
BTW, I passed a fancy schmancy Bedding place on 5th Ave on Friday night, and yelled out "Lord of the Linen Closet" to my husband. You are always with me.
Posted by: Dawn | November 28, 2005 at 02:49 PM
I agree, it's critical to propose to your peeps with the sparky napkin ring. I do it all the time.
I think your hair does primarily look brown BUT I see the slightest of red glints. I think it looks nice though. Verrry slick.
Posted by: Nancy | November 28, 2005 at 03:21 PM
um, who am i looking at in that photo??? drunkard. my apologies to ms. and the future mr. once more, as i was alseep mid buckle in the driveway. thanks for getting me home safe.
Posted by: Col | November 28, 2005 at 04:18 PM
Col, you'll recall we had about 3 cameras on us like we were being attacked by the paparazzi. I think I was asleep by the the time we go to to the end of Meg & Tim's street.
Nance, I have a word for ppl. like you...."SILENCIO!"
Dawn, hee. So, did you explain LOTLC to your husband? Or does he just know to expect these kind of random, nonsensical outburts from you?
Posted by: JenfromBoston | November 28, 2005 at 07:50 PM
Did you know that Tiny Dancer was a selection? I'm looking at it now (and practicing).
Posted by: jess | November 28, 2005 at 07:52 PM
Jess, that is AWESOME. I can't wait to mess with the lyrics w/ Tony Dannnnnnzaaaaaah.
remember, you're an ALTO, girlfriend. AN ALTO.
Posted by: JenfromBoston | November 28, 2005 at 07:58 PM
Dude, there are also voice lessons. I just did a couple.
Jer and I just tried to do "You're the one I want" and the fact that I am a very low (and flat) alto just smacked me in the ass.
What? Doesn't everyone practice karaoke at home on Mon night?
Posted by: jess | November 28, 2005 at 08:29 PM
So, everyone, after reading this, Mike said to me, "mess with the rams, you'll ge the horns?? it's 'bulls', jen" and I'm all DUH but I went to Rockville High and we were THE RAMS and I made it up because I am original like that and it was kind of a pun b/c rams have horns too and also proving how tough people from Rockville/Vernon are. GOD. NEVER QUESTION ME AGAIN, MICHAEL. NEVER AGAIN!
Posted by: Jen | November 28, 2005 at 09:50 PM
No one remembers that my dog jumped on my arm and spilled my wine all over the carpet?
Thanks for taking the blame, Jen.
Posted by: Tim | November 29, 2005 at 09:15 AM
First of all milk does the body good. Secondly, I enjoyed watching crowd drink and be merry. I was thinking, "is this what I look/act like drunk? God, I'm funny." Also notice it didn't take any alcohol to get me to join in the flip off fest.
Hats off to Meg and Tim for a lovely elegant dinner. Good times, good times.
Posted by: Chris | November 29, 2005 at 11:44 AM
Chris, did you not see how upset Mike made me when he tried to correct me? Why, Chris, WHY????
Yeah, there was absolutely no hesitation on anyone's part when whoever it was that suggested that we, um, show some "team spirit" for the pic. It was like we had been practicing our whole life for that moment. Like we're the Rockettes...of finger flippin.
Posted by: Jen | November 29, 2005 at 12:23 PM
Nothing says the holidays like flipping off a camera.
Your hair is brown. And it looks great.
Posted by: roo | November 29, 2005 at 12:50 PM
Your hair looks gorgeous and not at all red.
Sounds like a great party!
Posted by: Halloweenlover | November 29, 2005 at 10:07 PM
Roo? H-lover? Thank you, ladies. btw, I am copying those comments to Mike & Kate & Tim & Nancy as we speak. heh. See people? Was that so hard? see how docile I become?
(on a side note: it is getting just the teensiest, tiniest bit, um, lighter. BUT NOT RED. That is for dang sure.)
(side note part 2: Mike has the over/under of 10 days til I say I hate it and want to change it. any takers?)
Posted by: Jen | November 29, 2005 at 11:12 PM
OK, I give. It's brown. But I don't think if you did happen to have them that red "glints" are a bad thing. You wait, I'll find and scan a picture of me from college. You'll see what red (we're talking fire engine red, a little temporary hair color "oopsie") is really all about.
I don't think you will want to change soon -- it looks great. My husband likes it too (in a non-threatening way, no worries for Mike.)
Posted by: Nancy | November 30, 2005 at 11:35 AM
Patatta, patotto.
Brown, Auburn, Chestnut, ...whateva. Call it what you want, it's a good color for you. And if it has a touch of red so what? What's the problem with reddish tints?
Posted by: Megger | November 30, 2005 at 12:29 PM
Thanks, Meg. It's not that I think red = bad (tho I've tried it, and not for me. if I think I could pull off a debra Messign hair color, I'd go for it). it's just that is you go and pay **$85 + tip** for "X", you should expect and get "X" not X+Y or even 1/2X(Y), know what I means? I had a certain idea when I walked in, was all. And when your sister 1st comment is, "Woah, lotta red, kid", ditto Mike, there is a certain knee-jerk rxn. that happens with me i.e. SHUT UP YOU TRAMP, NO IT ISN'T (or, you know, whatever).
Posted by: Jen | November 30, 2005 at 01:00 PM
Listen, I'm the expert in hair color I have been all shades. Best comment ever, "it looks purple." -Jess 2000. So listen sista a lil' red ain't so bad and it will tone down. This from a woman who WANTED Debra Messing and got Lucille Ball, okay?
Posted by: Chris | November 30, 2005 at 01:13 PM