Okay, so I lied. This is not about my summer vacation but in fact about my weekend. More or less. Totally 5 finger discounting on Jess R's idea, but in my defense, not like she invented weekends or anything. God.
Friday night: Went to South Kitchen with some friends and had the much anticipated espresso martini which this place totally rocks at making. As a result, I then had a fewish more. Later in the evening, my attitude became less than pleasant and felt the need to end the night rather abruptly.
Lesson learned: 1 espresso martini good. 4 espresso martinis, not so good. (Good thing I am writing this down.)
Saturday: Clearly still drunk, I decided to go outside for some fresh air/exercise because it was actually pretty nice out for once. Continuing in my wild and crazy mode, I did the unthinkable and wore actually shorts to do this. It was then I realized that since last Tuesday's game, that I'd become a case study for Case of the Uglies or otherwise known in certain medical cirlces as "Getting Hit with the Ugly Stick".
But you say, "Jen, I seen pictures. You cute," and ya know, I might concede as much with a "sure, in a Melissa Gilbert-early Little House on the Prairie with her buck teeth and determined little chin kind of way." I guess I got that thing going on. But now? Yeah, my cute overbite isn't gonna compensate for this. And let me add, this is still early...I haven't even gotten to the season where they wear cleats.
"I feel pretty..." (it's a good thing I am not pale or anything. It totally blends)
"Oh so pretty!" (or that shorts and skirts and bare leg wearing weather is approaching. good thing we are going into the winter months.)
"Oh so pretty! And happy! And gay!" (and now it's turning a nice shade of green just in time for St. Patrick's Day! Amazing! Awesome! And people will tell me it brings out my eyes!)
They even look like mini shamrocks. Leave it to my bruises to play to the holiday theme.
(Oh, on the down low between just us girls? I was only wearing my polka dotted knickers and a towel on my head for that last shot. I know-- DRAMA!)
Oh, and the toe incident? I learned after about a week that I am actually more lazy than I am wimpy and finally took the plunge and found the nail clippers and did the best that I could without drawing blood or tears. It didn't hurt in case you were wondering.
I give you: fugly foot !(the red nail polish is a good indicator at where the line was. and I am linking this as bruises are one thing, my Picasso Toenail is another. You're welcome).
(Yeah, good thing flip-flop season isn't imminent. And personally, I hate open-toed shoes. So Fashion Backward, really).
(also, did I tell you when I showed my sister she said, "Oh my GOD. And that's gonna take a year to grow back, you know." Which, 1) bullshit, no it won't but 2) I just thought that was kind of a rude thing to say to a girl with a Picasso Toenail.)
(also, know that I COULD go for the ugly trifecta a post a picture of a awful, much commented on zit I have hanging out on my forehead, but that would just be showing off.)
Saturday night was watch a movie night and I'd bought Walk the Line (maybe you've heard of it?) and I must say I enjoyed it very much. However, I do feel a certain sense of civic duty to warn you nice people that after watching this flick, some of you will may find yourself talking Fake Tennessean.
To wit:
"Mike, ...Mike....say, "I don't love you."
"What? Huh? No. Why?"
"C'mon, say it..."
"No, why do you want me to say that?"
"Humor me."
[sigh]
"I don't love you"
"LAH'R!"
(and then I laughed way too much, which was politely pointed out to me as I said it over and over again.)
See, that is how people from Tennessee say "liar" and now tell me how can this NOT be my officially new favorite word? I am using it all the time now.
"Jen, wanna go to breakfast?"
"LAH'R"
"Ha. That's funny. No really, I was thinking Mul's maybe?"
"Yer a LAH'R."
Yeah, it never gets old.
Now I just waiting to pounce on the right time to use the "Bay-by, Bay-by, Bay-by, Bay-by"/slamming the door in the face sequence. That is totally gonna make my day.
Sunday:
My sister brought over her 2 cute kids (as seen below) and her Dyson vacuum. I won't lie to ya, it was almost too close to call as to who/which I loved more. Thankfully, Sarah stepped up her game and asked me for a sleepover because I am fun to have over (her words). That gave her (and by proxy, her bro) the edge. But seriously though, my carpets never looked better. This thing can suck. Yes, yes. I have Vacuum Envy.
And Sunday night ended with me weepy watching Grey's Anatomy. Yep, fuckers did it to me again.
So, there you have it. That was me. What was you? Did I miss anything good?