Fun with Plagarism

From the "My Family is Funnier than Me" files...

My sister send out an e-mail with the subject "The Joys of Having Boys" which I am sure most of you have seen. It's stuff like:

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

My Aunt Teri (of South of the Border material fame), who has 4 boys (so this would makes them my...."cousins"?) had some of her own. Everyone needs an aunt like Aunt Teri. The shit she's put up with? Man. But it makes for some good reading. I can't quit you, Aunt Teri!

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If your child is ever going to distinguish him/herself in the classroom "What Not to Do" Conduct Hall of Fame, it surely will happen on parent/teacher day.

When your precious first born has finally proven himself to be trustworthy enough to leave babysitting his younger sibling, you can bet your bottom dollar that his first order of business will be to name that younger child his personal slave, in exchange for a later bedtime. The second will be to send his new slave across a busy street…. alone…at night… to fetch him a candy bar.

After speaking with your next door neighbor about what she saw hanging from a belt on your clothesline, while you were gone, you now realize that little Tim wasn’t lying when he said, "Mommy, the turtle can fly!"

When the rest of the parents are meeting their children’s teachers at quick 5 minute, consecutive intervals... but they give you a special meeting, where all 5 subject teachers are lined up to face you at the same time…don’t be holding your breath for academic awards.

When you can’t get your 4 yr. old to admit to a "misdeed" and you haul out the guilt and say "you know, SOMEBODY knows the truth…God" and his reply is a straight faced "yeah, but HE can’t tell." You should probably stop trying to match wits with this kid, right now.

Ya gotta give points for creativity. When the middle child wanted to skip school and he was running a temp of 106, I said, "light bulb? Hot water?"  He looked at me sheepishly and mumbled "oatmeal". (kudos for originality, John)

Answers come when you least expect them. Dan had been sent to off to 4th grade, healthy and hearty. Not 10 minutes later, the school nurse called and said he was in her office, having fainted in the school yard. I was shocked. I picked him up, brought him home and asked him what happened. He had no idea. He was just playing with buddies and the next thing you know, he was in the nurses office. I was very worried at this medical mystery. Was he epileptic?... perhaps there was a heart condition. He napped and I brought him soup and gently probed to see what facts I should present to the doctor. I asked him to recount the morning. He had a good breakfast at home, walked a few blocks to school. Still felt fine. He saw his friend and started talking to him. He still felt fine. Then, SPLAT! He was kissin' the blacktop. Again, I was at a loss. As I was trying to make sense of this, I absent mindedly ask him, "what were you talking to your friend about?" In all innocence, he said, "he was telling me he had eye surgery yesterday and was just about to show me."

Comments

[Emily]

Only God knows where the shovel is Aunt Teri...only God......

[Diana]

Too cute.
I'm going to have to bookmark this page for when my Little Man gets older, since I know he will be chock-full of stories of some sort...

[Jen]

I wrote back to Teri,

"well, of course this was John M's (ma's ex) favorite about me and bri.
Brian, age 8-9? I open our front door to see the kid LYING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. FOR NO APPARENT REASON. Just...lying there. So Me (I'm 15-16?) yell out from the front steps, "BRIAN- YOU MORON!" I guess it was in my delivery b/c John nearly wet himself.

Once in awhile, "moron" is the perfect word to use.

[Contrary]

You know, if I'd read this before I had kids, I think I would have foregone the experience.

Now, I'm doomed. DOOMED, I tell ya.

[Teri]

Coming from a family with 5 females and 2 males, it was like culture shock to have the 4 males and 1 female here. I was grateful to have time with you girls occasionally to nurture my lost feminine soul. (plus y'all were pretty damn funny in a whole new way!)

[Jess R]

Haaa! Very cute. I was a bit of a tomboy as a kid, and I recall getting in more than my share of "incidents."

[Isabel]

Oh I love the "God can't tell" one. Classic!

[Nancy]

Sometimes I am so, so glad that I have 2 girls.

[Liberal Banana]

Oh my gosh, that is too. Funny. I tell ya, someday when I run out of regular stuff to blog about, I'm havin' me some kids so I am refilled with new hilarious stories!

[Dawn]

What good are siblings if you can't bribe them and make them your slaves?

[Reach]

Having had both, girls and boys, I have to say you are in trouble either way. With the boys, I have noticed they do more stupid stuff to themselves; while on the other hand, the girls get somebody else (usually boys) to do the stupid things.
I had to laugh at my son, while I was teaching him to catch. He would miss the ball and I told him to chase it. One time, when he missed the ball- I should not have thrown it toward the wall. He chased it.

Reach

[roo]

Your family gives good blog.

[Emily]

I can totally relate to the whole "younger sibling slave" role. It was the greatest day when it dawned on me...duh I have a YOUNGER BROTHER..."Brian go get me a bowl of ceral PRONTO..." And he did! Life was grand.

[Dan]

I would like to point out that God has yet to bring the perpetrator to justice.

just sayin'...

Oh, and younger brothers were not covered under the emancipation proclimation. They're exempted under a little seen Appendix at the end.