The Jerk at Work

(I know, 2 posts in one day! Film at 11!)

The thing about working in a small department is that it's a awesome opportunity for your personality to really shine in front of your manager. My dept. just hosts me, another same level guy aka Science Guy, a temp, and of course, the manager.

Last week, Science Guy and I had to watch some video with our manager and immediately following that, take a quiz.  The quiz was all of 5 multiple choice questions.  Of course, as soon as we started the quiz, out the gate I treated my co-hort like a fellow 4th grader, covering my paper and hissing, "no cheating!"

My manager, who is a great guy and thankfully has a very forgiving sense of humor, went over the the answers when we were finished. Once again, I down-shifted into 4th Grade mentality and made the "C" for correct marks next to each number.  When I realized Science Guy had answered one of the questions incorrectly, I leaned over and put an X next to the number. He appreciated that a ton as you well might imagine.

Now naturally, I got all the questions correct and proudly marked my paper accordingly, adding a artistic flair by making my "100%" into a smiley face using the zeros.  Thinking "something's missing", I surrounded the 100 smiley face with about 4 stars (2 on each side, for balance).

Raised not to be a poor winner, I offered my condolences to Science Guy.

"Sorry you only got an eighty on your quiz. Better luck next time."

Then, the "unthinkable" happened...

My Boss asked for our papers.

Uh, come again?

"Yeah, I have to fax these to Home Office."

Puh-puh-puh-pardon?

Some Home Office person if going to see this and think, "wow, what a consummate professional. We should promote her at once!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Believe it  or not, some of my jerkoffy thoughts never see the light of day. Somehow I am actually able to just keep them in my head thus providing me endless whole minutes of entertainment.

The Elevator. I have so,so many beefs with conduct unbecoming an elavator rider but really who has that kind of time.  And at my old job, it sucked even worse because I was on the 31st floor, which was 1 floor beneath the penthouse, that is a lo-ooooot of elevator riding time. So that is to say, if you caught "the local", well, hope you weren't in a huge rush to catch your train. What's even more "freaking foul and foul an filth and..." is when the newest person to get on only goes up or down one floor and you SO TOTALLY KNOW they have access to get there via the stairs. LAZY. ASSES.

Yep, "taking the local" sucks.  But here at new job, I am only on the 6th floor, so it's not such a hassle, even if I do get the local.  Still, there's always that sneaky thought that pops in from time to time when I hit 6 and then someone sneaks on at the last second and presses on a number lower than my floor. Or that pang of fraternity when on a crowded elevator, someone from 17 remarks, "the local today, huh?" when I get on. I was there with you, brutha, trust me, I was there.

But me knowing me like I do, I swear, it's only a matter of time until I crack* and say with an air of exasperation to some poor sack hopefully carrying a laptop and a bunch of files, "What, you COULDN'T TAKE THE STAIRS??" 

*and by "crack" I mean, "tempted" and "curious to see what would happen".

Comments

[Liberal Banana]

Ohmygosh, the story about "grading" your paper was AWESOME! Good thing you didn't lean over and write "YOU SUCK" on Science Guy's paper, too! Did you hand it in? Did your boss say anything about it?

My boss is a cool guy, too, and there are only 3 of us (me, another guy, and Boss Guy). We're so casual that when my boss walked up behind me as I was working on my blog post and said, "Ooh, I could've guessed!" I responded, "Dude, I've been f*cking working all day." Yeah. Maybe I'm a little TOO casual.

And I totally hear you on the elevator rides. The whole building is only 8 floors and whenever someone takes the elevator one or two floors, I just want to say, "You lazy bastard. THIS is why you're so damn fat. Jerk." One of these days...

(Longest. Comment. Ever.)

[Jen]

My boss saw me make the marks, and yeah, he collected them. That's how it went to H.O.

He was laughing - he knows I'm kind of a competitive spazz.

[Contrary]

The other day, I had a dreaded conference call. One manager (at another store) remarked on runaway towel usage (I'm a dog groomer, for those who don't know, which is ..everybody). My manager and I muted the phone and proceeded to act out a horror movie entitled 'The Runaway Towels'.

So far, no one else has found this as funny as we did, but that conference call SPED by, let me tell ya.

Hooray for being goofy at work and having a boss that lets you.

[Nancy]

The grading papers story is too awesome. I'm always glad that I don't have to share my meeting notes with coworkers, since they're always filled with doodles.

People who ride up one or two flights in an elevator (without apparent reason, of course) always burn me. In college I lived on the 9th and 13th floors of an apartment building, and anyone who'd take the elevator up to 2 or 3 without a shitload of baggage or stuff was subject to major ridicule.

[Nancy]

p.s. -- I wanna be your coworker.

[Elizabeth]

That is too funny! I hope whomever got your test at the Home Office thought it was funny too.

I could have never left my brother a key to my apartment. He would have had every loser in the neighborhood over drinking beer and dropping cigarette ashes on the carpet within minutes.

[Emily]

when i worked at the college alumni house (annoying students who would call asking for money....except i would forget to ask for the $$ anyhew...) there was always a sign by the elevators saying "Walk up one, down two for your health" with a picture of stairs and an arrow...So now all growed up n stuff and me being on 17 we still hit the local somewhat and i have been known at 5:15 on a Friday to say that to people who REFUSE to walk even down ONE floor. I've also been known to ask if their work ID was not working causing them to have to take the elevator(you have to use your ID to get onto all the floors. Oh yeah that goes over REAL well especially when you're trying to maintain your employment....
*sidenote on elevator etiquette....I HATE people who don't let people GET OFF the elevator and push right in. Like c'mon buddy give me a second. I loved that one the most when I was nine months pregnant and getting sick of small spaces.

[sweatpantsmom]

Well, did you get detention or what?

Also, apologies for sounding dense here (and can you tell I work at home, where there are no elevators) but what is 'the local?'

[Jen]

SPM-

When you get on an elevator and you stop at EVERY FREAKING FLOOR.

[Becki]

Bwahahahaha! The paper grading thing is so something I would have done! How much do I adore you for doing it instead! I hope the home office folks have a sense of humor.

[Dawn]

At least you didn't write "SEE ME" at the top of the paper.

[Y]

Dude. You're hilarious.

[Caryn]

Hilarious! I loved the description, and could totally picture it. And here's the thing...I would have done the same thing as you, which is probably why the story of the quiz was so funny.

[marnie]

I second the request for information concerning "the local". I'm from Canada... a 2 hour commute is still considered local.

Does Science Guy look like Bill Nye? Pocket protector? Bow tie? Slight lisp? Is it wrong to think that is sexy?

[Jen]

marnie, I replied on the local to SPM...just means when you get the elevator that stops at every floor.

[Hill]

Erm..couldn't you just claim you'd written your name on the wrong side (upper right instead of upp left - gasp!) and ask for another copy of your test?