Welcome to the Gap, can I sell you some crap?

You know, I had no idea that a trip to the Gap would actually give me blog fodder but indeed...and unfortunately, it has.

I went to the Gap during my lunch break on Friday as a friend of mine was (and is) facing a bathing suit conundrum of sorts.  Her post had left me curious to see if they still carried my recommendation that I had seen there in early May, the board skirt.  I forgot I'd wanted one.

And they did. And much to pleasure, it had been marked down. Twice. And they had my size and all was swell.  Innocently enough, I'd also found *cough* a few *cough* other things. Like a summery, mini-nightgown, a pair of jeans (also on sale) and some t-shirts. It was just one of those days where shopping karma hits. AND is on sale.

Of course, some of these things required I hit the fitting room first before committing, and in the process of trying stuff on, naked from the waist up (sans bra), I got the dreaded "knock and walk(in)". I pushed back on the door and stated the obvious, "Uh, someone's in here."

Yeahhhh, this... this did not deter this woman, who I'd find out quickly was just another patron. In an annoyed voice, she told me, "yeah, but my clothes are in therrrre!" and CONTINUED to push her way into my fitting room.

Um, excuse me, but even if that did hold true (which it did not), does that give anyone the right to violate someone's privacy? Do I need to be on the can for people to give me a break?

"Hold on...[I push back] nothing's in here."

Still, this did not satisfy her, The Fucking Bitch. At this point, she had the door cracked opened just enough so that she could see my bits, and she still did not relent. Now normally I would argue that I am strong enough to hold back a door completely, but try frantically throwing on a shirt 1-handed in a CO-ED dressing room while simultaneously holding back a beast bent on "getting her stuff". And if I used the force I'd wanted to, I probably would have given her a bloody nose.  Yeah, details.

I continued to push back against the door and respectfully asked, "Hey, ya wanna GIVE ME A MINUTE, I'm HALF NAKED."

You'd think she'd care. You'd care. But see, you are not Fucking Bitches.

I put my tank back on and opened the door, "See? Nothing here."

She then stepped INTO the room and proceeded to look around behind the door and politely offered a look of disgust my way. Yeah, lady, it's a fucking CONSPIRACY THEORY.

"They took my stuff?"

"Or maybe you have the wrong room?"

Then she took off. I mean, that was it. No, "Sorry", nothing.

This whole exchange took maybe about 10-15 seconds and being preoccupied (the potential to be exposed in a co-ed fitting area AND thinking, "nobody is this rude to me...I'm ....I'm NICE") and being one who suffers from (as I call it) Brain Delay, jerks are left off the hook all the time. She never got "what for" from me.

And the "awesome" thing about Brain Delay is that eventually it catches up to you when it's over and in this instance, a ferocious rage set in. Like, "Did that just happen to me? And did I just let her completely off without so much as punch to the face?"

I will admit, I was really, really angry at this woman. And naturally I stood in the fitting room stunned as no less than 20 responses to dish out in 20 different styles entered my brain.

I actually wanted to find her in the store and embarrass the shit out of her for her behavior,  however, lucky for her she'd already left the store (Oh, she lucky...for I would have totally hurt her....feelings.)

Shopping Karma aside, this story has an even SADDER ending.

The clothes? Totaling $123 (with 2 wicked sale items - including jeans for $25 that looked AWESOME AND WERE COMFORTABLE)?

LEFT THEM IN A CAB FRIDAY NIGHT.

I swore I did the buyer's Buy and Hide (or Stash and Dash, whatever you call) when I walked in the door...but.... they're not here. My apartment isn't that big and my trick would have been to stash them by the front door. And it doesn't help that I had a few drinks which totally aides my forgetfulness.  So I will be calling Boston Police Lost & Found Monday (MONDAY!). I usually have decent luck when it comes to leaving stuff in a cab (cellphone twice, once returned via L&F, once returned by guy who found it), so if it's not too much to ask, could  you please say a prayer (preferably to St. Anthony, but I'm not in a position to be picky) that I continue my streak of cab L&F luck?  I would appreciate it.

Also, if you used to suffer from Brain Delay and no longer do, could you please tell me how you got over it? Because I would really like to know.

Bitch.

Updated to add:

Oh, and I told the story about rude lady to my boss just after it happened (yeah, my naked bits and all) and he asked if it was a co-ed fitting room because he offered, had it not, then I should-could have opened the door all the way, still naked and shouted, "SO, DO YA SEE ANYTHING?"

(do you see why I like my boss. damn, that's a good idea.)

In my mind, that scene plays out 2 ways. 1) with my (granted, smallish) boobs going all over the place as I gesticulate widly while saying "DO YA SEE ANYTHING!?"  or 2) with my hands on my hips and twisting my trunk so that they go side to side. Anything to freak out a complete and completely rude stranger.

Of course, he added, that awesome idea probably come way after the fact.

But AH HA! Now I know what to do if I ever run into this woman at Ann Taylor.

Updated  AGAIN to add:

Not that you care, but I keep pacing my apartment like a caged animal thinking I'll find the bag. I truly do not want to believe I was that stupid to leave it behind in a cab.

Comments

[mamatulip]

I was kind of wishing I'd read that you found Bitch in the store. I was all ready to hear about how you hurt her...feelings.

Dude, the clothes? THAT SUCKS! I hope you get them back...

[HollowSquirrel]

OH MY GOD that pisses me off. I get Brain Delay, too, and then feel restless for several hours while I replay the offending scenario in my head, this time with a perfect comeback and the offender's demise (death by runaway steamroller, etc.). DAMN I cannot BELIEVE she was such a fucking bitch. I wanna hunt her down with you...after you get your clothes back. Sending you all my luck for THAT!

[Jen]

yep, truly one of those moments I wished I could fart on command.

[Liberal Banana]

Oh my GOD, that so freakin' sucks. I hope you find the bag!! And I can NOT believe that woman barged in on you AND didn't say she was sorry. WOW. Just...WOW.

[Dawn]

Normally I do not have Brain delay, however in Your position, with the exposed girls and all, I fear that I too would have frozen.

But Yeah. I'm all about the extra emabarassment factor. I think thrusting the door open and shoving the tat-tas in her face would have been priceless.

I will offer a prayer to someone, but my prayer luck ain't so good right now....

[Teri]

Once, my friend, Kathy was watching her brother-in-law's beloved, spoiled rotten dog. Just before he was due back, the dog got loose and ran into a dreadful rainstorm. Kathy immediately relied on the old standard prayer to St. Anthony we were raised on, and no sooner had she said it than the dog appeared at the back door. She was sooo relieved. As she repeated the story to me, she said in all innocence, "I mean I don't go to church or anything, so that was really nice of him!"...so we'll be sure to put in a good word to Tony.
Hey, love the glamour shot! Makes this look so professional.

[Nancy]

I totally get brain delay all the time. It sucks bigtime, because then I'm totally obsessed with what I SHOULD have said.

I take it you didn't find the clothes? Damn, that's the worst.

[marnie]

Wow. That sucks.

Have you been following the Stolen Sidekick story? I bet that dude could help you locate your stuff.

http://www.evanwashere.com/StolenSidekick/

However, dude had some assistance via T-Mobile. Too bad your jeans can't telepathically send us images of the person(s) who has them.

I'm gonna tap into my ESPN and try to get a name and email addy for you. I'll keep you posted.

Or I could help you hunt down the bitch wearing your stuff. Stake out!

...too funny. you just left me a comment on my blog...

[Jess]

I remain unsure about the board skirt. You can certainly pull it off. Me? Not so much.

I would cry if I left my new clothes in a cab. Big messy sobbing.

[Contrary]

I think we've all learned a lesson here: Do not mix shopping and drinking.

Friends don't let friends shop and drink.

Also, only use dressing rooms with locks on them.

I hope you get your stuff back!

[Megger]

That sucks.

I would have paid $ to see you half dressed in the gap bitch slapping that rude woman.

Good luck with the L&F.

[Virenda]

I WANT TO SMACK THAT BITCH! OMG! I'm like you and when people surprise me I have brain delay and then I get angry at myself for the next week about why I didn't say this or say that.

As for the clothes. I'd freak. That sucks and I really, really, REALLY hope it works out for you.