Postpurri

As I sit here wearing my Best Auntie in the Whole Wide World (TM Sarah) tiara and sippin' on a leftover juice box, I realize that a lot of what I've seen and heard over the past 48 hours is still stuck in my head. In an effort to make some room for new thoughts (seeing as I average at least 2 day), I will share with you those I consider to be disposable. Thought Plaque if you will.

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Okay, to the NFL commentator I heard on Sunday, while I get it that you're not likely the next Walter Cronkite or anything, still it's my feeling that seeing as this game you're talking up is something you've probably played up for decades, and the commentating gig you got isn't that new either, so with that, you should know what you're saying when the words come flying out of your mouth.  But even if you don't or say even you're having a tough day, it's also widely known that sports + cliches =  a passable commentator. And for good reason: they make excellent crutches in times of blanking and sometimes even, you can sound like you're saying something profound even when you're not.  So learn them. Use them. Do so correctly, please.  And don't go making shit up either. We can tell.

I say this because as I was passing the TV on the way to the kitchen, I heard something that didn't quite seem right, and when my co-watcher/usual bullshit spotterr of these events didn't blink an eye, I feel the need to do a self-audit. Which is what I did Sunday. "Wait, wait a minute, did he just say, "...and that's something that can't be taught, that's something that's learned"?"

Um, what? If it's something that can be learned, then it's being taught somehow, right? Self-taught is is a teaching method, no?

I get where Johnny Too Many Hits to the Head was going with that one, but I'm sure there's a cleaner way of saying it, like, "that's something you're born with" or "something that can't be coached."

Though not to cut NFL guy too much slack, this is far from the silliest or lamest thing I've heard uttered by a sports commentator.  The one that has stuck with me the longest , and unfortunately I don't know the man's name who said it anymore, was from a commentator for the Winter Olympics games in the 1990s during the speed skating event.  Now I'll preface this with I guess ice quality can vary depending on the sport being played. For instance, in hockey the ice after 15 minutes of play is probably pretty chewed up and softer, slushier, slower, but the skate blades could grip the ice better (btw, totally talking out of my ass but let's say I'm right). 

But in no way should this excuse the Talkie guy from observing, as I believe people during the speed skaters who were wiping out were probably experiencing, "Yeah, the ice is really slippery."  Praise whoever you want that the co-anchor for this deal had the balls to call him out and between chuckles, "Um, yeah, well, that's kinda the deal with ice."

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My other ax to grind here is with the marketing geniuses for the Boston Globe newspaper.  Yesterday, I heard a commercial for the rag, and the last line, now bear in mind someone wrote this AND got paid  for it, was, "it's the BEST feeling in the world waking up and knowing the Boston Globe is outside my front door."

Um, excuse me, that for you is THE BEST feeling in the world? Now if this line holds any water for the woman speaking it, to you madam I would say GET OUT MORE because personally I can think of about a billion things better and still even those don't qualify as "the best feeling in the world."

Take for example:

Waking up on Saturday thinking it's Friday and freaking out because you think you're late and totally screwed and then realizing that it's really Saturday.

Seeing flashing lights behind you and you realize that you're going 15 miles over the limit with expired tags and the cruiser flies past your car.

Getting your period in a "better late than pregnant" fashion.

Winning 25 bucks off a scratch ticket.

Getting on the scale and seeing the number go down from your last visit.

Day your tax refund hits your account.

Waking up and seeing a cup of coffee on the nightstand.

You see my point. And incredibly, "KNOWING THAT THE GLOBE IS OUTSIDE MY FRONT DOOR" is nowhere to be found on this list.

(Seriously Globe,  let ME write your next TV spot.)

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Yesterday, as I was walking around Fanueil Hall looking of lunch, and in my focused wanderings, didn't realize until it was too late, that I had walked directly in front of a man who was filming with his video camera.  I don't know why, but by brain defaulted to, "well, that'll come in handy when I am arrested for murder and it's (clearly) a case of mistaken identity and the police will eventually track down that man's footage, date and time stamped naturally, and I will be set free."

Then that got me to thinking of all the pictures I've taken and possibly all the poor souls that could make use of my photos to set them free for their cases of mistaken identity.

What if this old timer is doing time right now because of mistaken identity? Just in case...

Dear Boston and surrounding areas Police,

This picture was taken on Sunday between the hours of 12-1:00 at Boston's Fanueil Hall.  As you can clearly see from the photograph, the highlighted old man is not committing any crimes and actually looks like he is being a pretty good citizen.

Regards,

Me

Maybe it's possible I have watched me one too many Law & Order marathons.

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From the "Kids say the darnest things" file, as I mentioned previously, I had my niece Sarah for the entire weekend. Sunday  I had a few things I wanted to get done, namely picking up the laundry and getting my nails done. The area of town that I do this in, there are a lot of little divey stores, restaurants, bars, etc. Still, I found it odd as we were picking up my laundry, that Sarah repeatedly asked me, "Is this the liquor store?"  Honestly, she asked me at least 4 times and yeah, there was one a few doors down but I had made no mention of a liquor store all weekend. So it got me wondering, "what is going on at home? Is this part of her 'weekly routine' with Mom & Dad?" When I spoke to my sister Kate about it, she was floored. "I have NEVER brought her to one, and I have no idea where she got that...I'll have to ask Dan."

No Sarah, this is NOT the liquor store. This is the nail salon.

Comments

[HollowSquirrel]

Hi Aunt Jen,
It's me, your long lost niece, HollowSquirrel. I'm coming for a visit next weekend. You're my favorite aunt, and I would never make fun of your hair. I like to get my nails done, too. And my toes. Sign us up! Yay!
Love,
HollowSquirrel

[Nancy]

I bet the "duh" NFL commentator was Tony Kornheiser. He's a dumbass.

And I must beg to differ with you, because I'd rank "seeing the Boston Globe on my doorstep" as the highlight of my life. Much better than either my wedding day or the birth of either daughter. It's black and white and read all over.

I can see why Sarah would be confused about the nail salon. Look at all those bottles about!

[TB]

Did your neice also ask where the strip club and the casino were? She is wise beyond her years for it is always good to know where one can get a 40 of Old English.

[Amy]

I think the Boston Globe advertiser has perhaps been watching too much Mr. Rogers. "and it's the best! feeling! just to know you're alive, and . . ."
Barf.
I think I saw that old man robbing a liquor store the other day. BUt I was totally not there with my 3 year old.

[kate]

I asked your niece about the liquor store comments and she was all "like, yeah, what about it?". I pressed further and asked what do you buy at the liquor store to which she replied "well, food, silly! and big kid things like toys and they have beds there and cribs for babies. Do you know they have tigers there? they DON"T have elephants, but they do have lions". With that I rest my case that we are not the alcoholics. She continues tp sing a version of the "aunt Jennie" song and hasn't been the same since. All she wants to do is EAT!!! We are working on food choices this week. Wish us luck. k