"Information is Power"

Some people have that one friend that can take the simplest of activities and turn it into quite the spectacle de fantastique.  As my luck has it, I happen to have one of these types in my circle.

I mean, anyone that can take a game, a child's game, and  build up an event so that 25 adults will willingly show up on a hot, August Saturday to play four (4) (four!) rounds of mini-golf in tournament style spanning three (3) (three!) towns, and 4 car caravans trips (the last lading us at a BBQ/awards ceremony), has got to have something special.  Maybe some call it "pull", I call it "contagious enthusiasm".

Sometime back in June I received the call, the beckon, the nod, the... the Evite.  Yes, this year my friend Chris invited me to participate in my first ever Walter J. Corbett Invitational, 12th Anniversary Edition (or for those in the know, "The WJC", named for his paw who had participated in the early years but now better known for making the occasional guest appearance, tipping his hat to the adoring public. Always a crowd pleaser). 

The invitation began innocently enough:

"Turquoise water flows over the rocks of Castle Creek. Summer sun bakes the bricks and lifelike turf near Richardson's Ice Cream stand. The bracing odor of MSG wafts across the hallowed greens of Hago's. The day of reckoning is nearly upon us. . . . ."

I mean, right?  The man has been quoted, "this is my Christmas."  And people, I believe him.

So how do I reply to his invitation?

"Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid." Goethe said that."*

(*bonus points for movie I just exploited, without googling.)

Yeah, what the hell was I smoking putting that in writing?   "Be bold."   [directs eyeroll, "dumbass" commentary inward] 

Maybe you can guess from that last bit, I didn't exactly "light it up".  Now I could lie, or at a minimum, casually omit some of the finer details (and my "finer details" I might be flirting with "blocking out entire courses from memory"), but guess who is a stats whore?  And saves EVERYTHING?! And then breaks it all down with in depth analysis and expert commentary course by course and hole by hole (complete with photos!), with averages and degree of difficulty and differentials and...and HAS AN ENTIRE WEBSITE DEDICATED TO THIS SHIT??? If you like stats and numbers, this site should make you hot, it's that sick. All the links in the world isn't going to do his site proper justice.

Here's the 2006 results.  Yeah, there I am, ...sweet, sweet 5th from the bottom.  To add insult to great injury, I was told some weeks later that I had actually miscalculated my score and needed to ADD ANOTHER stroke to my final.  Honestly, I'm not sure what's worse: that I, a person who makes a living in a numbers-based profession can't add her 5+4s, or that it's possible for a person who plays enough to own her own clubs to get achieve a score even higher than the one I originally thought I'd left with.  Jesus.

If you look closely (and you will need your glasses for the print she is small), yeah, there's my +19 on the 3rd course.  And no, I was not drunk.  I tried to make it up on the last course (granted only a billion times easier thr prior one) where I landed a respectable +4, but it was too little, too late. Though I think it was safe to say based on the winner's performance, I was too little too late when I showed up 30 minutes off the start time (aka "Jen time") as he was probably already half way to his (-8) on that round. (Seriously, the hell?) 

Some points of interest for you non-playahs:

• There's a legally blind guy who competes every year. And he, how do I put this tactfully, ...believe it or not, he does not always place last.  It is often the singular goal of either the newbies (me) or out-of-practice/half assed putt-putter-er (also me) to not finish *behind* Blind Guy.
• You get your picture taken for every Hole in One. The deal here is to make the photo shoot "yours". I didn't pick up on this point until later, which is too bad because I did a severely  weak "#1" sign next to the hole I got mine on. Had I any imagination, any initiative, any pluck, my shot could have possibly been as awesome as this one:

or maybe even this:

I already got my pose down for next year but sorry, I'm keeping it on the down low.

• Be prepared for holes that will fuck with your head immensely and bring you to learn new vocabularies you never though possible.  Cases in points: Cave of Despair (TM) and Wicked Hard Hill(TM).  Sure from these photos, these holes may look innocuous enough, cuddly perhaps.  But if you review their percentages and how many have to pick up at 5 (the max allowed per hole for the sake of "moving things along" or as I like to call it "keeping people from buying a bottle of Jack and a box of razorblades for the ride home") you will see that these holes are in fact, quite lethal. Pieces of fucking crap. (I know, you'd think a month later I'd be a little more chill about it, right?  Yeah, you would be WRONG. So very, very wrong.)
• The fabulous gifts and prizes: What's a tournament with out booty? Sure, there's no Cadillac like in the TPC (or whatever, I'm not looking it up), but there is "genuinely good bottles wine", other bottles of wine and braggin' rights for a year for a number of categories (if I may be so bold to suggest maybe "Best Newbie" or something for next year?).

What kills me is the same dude has "pulled an Alexis Colby" with a four-peat. It looks as though this was to be expected, because Chris had a "4" shirt made special for the awards ceremony, "just in case".

Well, when you see the sun come up every morning, you begin to form a certain kind of trust that a few things are just gonna happen.

So for the rest of us scrubs, the end of the day has us at the BBQ, some crying in their beers, others looking all sorts of despondent as they gaze upon the corkboard detailing the histories of WJCs gone by, trying to pinpoint where it all went to pot.

Yeah, it hurts, Jimmy, don't it?

Well, I guess as they say, "there's always next year."

Me and the Commish, Chris.

(p.s. I *hate* "next year" but come what may, Chris, come what may.)

More pics here.

Comments

[madge]

Dude...Almost Famous.

No googling. Just a deep and abiding love of Frances McDormand.

We do a similar thing with bowling and costumes. It gets ugly. Literally and figuratively.

[Jen]

that last photo, I'm smiling, trying to be cool but after just blowing up pretty good (approx 80% on my way to the +19 for that course) I kept thinking, "cannot lose to blind guy, otherwise this is the pic the AP is gonna pick up to run in the papers. 'Boston woman loses to blind guy in child's game.'"

[Dawn]

I am laughing so hard the undergrads are walking by and giving me LOOKS. Authentic "We feel sad for this old fool with her computer" looks.

But dude. I may have to come over for this. I play a MEAN game of mini golf...and entirely as a savant. And the Wicked Hill of death looks delightful

Oh, and panties on for next years special hole in one shot, please.

[jen]

Dawn, we can form a foursome for next year....(well, we'll need 2 more but you know what I mean.)

[marnie]

Holy crap what a turn out! That sounds like one fun day.

Does the blind dude know that his college was indicated as being the Boston College for the Mentally Defective? Or is that some evil prank pulled by evil people with sight?

Too funny Jen.

[tewhill]

The blind guy has been informed. He's a dear friend. But on the topic of of his alma mater, he knows that I am what is sometimes termed a 'hater'. I can never resist an opotunity to taunt and jeer.

[Jess]

I'm commenting on the new tagline. Jess + Dwight Schrute 4-eva.

[jen]

actually, the title of this post is a Dwightism.
Yeah, I think he gets the best lines on the show.

[Rocky]

This post was waaay too technical and full of jargony stuff that i didn't understand! Can't we just go back to the good old days of drunken party pictures and added commentary?

Loved the pics though. And I don't know whether to congratulate you or console you. How about, congratulations on a weekend well spent?

[jen]

My post, or his site? I thought I left out that techy stuff. But, just in case:

LOW score = good
HIGH score = bad

+43 over par (where yours truly landed) is enough to make you puke (so, I guess in lieu of consoling I'd ask if you'd hold my hair back)

-8 (winner) is suspect and worthy of an investigation by the board (fine, he didn't cheat. whatever.)

I probably should have mentioned the ice cream at Richardson's - good stuff but the small is bigger than a size of Ben & Jerry's. (no lie)

[wordgirl]

Argh! Madge beat me to it! I totally love Frances McD.

[Amy]

I'm totally jealous.

[TB]

What happens if you get more than one hole in one? You should prepare for this possibility. I think a second would require more than panties, say leather. And a hat trick? Nudity of some kind.

[jen]

Teebs, to slightly modify your idea, I think maybe a cheerleader/tennis like skirt and the lollipops underwear (cheerleader bloomers, for those not in the know) having something "witty" written on the fanny.

I'm sure Chris's eyes are bleeding just reading this. Prude.

[sweatpantsmom]

I haven't played miniature golf in years, but you've inspired me to take it up again. That is, if anyone offers to buy me BBQ at the end of it all.

[Liberal Banana]

I wish I had friends like you and your friends. You guys sound like you have so much fun! What a riot, seriously!

When we were just on vacation in Colorado, we (boyfriend and I) had our annual mini-golkf tournament. We went wine tasting, then beer tasting, then played mini-golf. On the 18th hole is starting HAILING. So we went inside and played air hockey. It was one of the best parts of the whole trip. (He won by one stroke. Jerk.)