Live Blogging: Dancing with the Stars!

Precursor to show, e-mail to Aunt Teri, 4:00 p.m.:

"I have already had a talk with Mike this morning, as he approached me on his way out the door, "There's nothing on TV you want to watch tonight, right?" and that's when I almost killed him dead.

I let him off with a warning, "and I'm getting the 'good' TV."
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8:01 p.m. I just told Libs that the long awaited, much anticipated season premiere of Dancing with the Stars is on ...RIGHT NOW!

Ah! Mom, am I missing it?  Mom?! ABC - NOW!

First up: Joey/"Joe" Lawrence.  Not bad. Not feeling the waxed, buffed shaved head though.

Am feeling his waxed, buff arms. And nice ass, Joe. Very nice.

"Very respectable..nice eye candy. cute butt..good start"-- Aunt Teri

8:15- country singer Sara Evans....eh, she was stiff, no emotion, dance boring, done to Manilow's Mandy. Yawn. But as Mike says, "not to worry, cuz there will be someone MUCH worse...Jerry Springer, Tucker Carlson..."

Man's got a point. Because...

8:25 - Tucker Carlson...pretty sure I hate this guy. Yeah, I think so. I wish John Stewart was sitting in the audience to mock him and call him a monkey.

Dude, he's laughing as soon as the music cues. And he's sitting in a chair like he's waiting for a lap dance....and now he's up...and has has no ass.  And I hate him still. And he's not even dressed  for a performance. Up there when the Master P dude wouldn't wear dance shoes last season.  Man, I hope he gets bounced.

Mike: "Looks like he just stepped out of a golf course."

Even the coaches are laughing AT him...not even subtley.  "But I can't score you all that well because you weren't dancing for half of it," Judge Carrie Ann pointedly states. 

Really, what a mess. 

8:30- Digging the Gap commerical that has Audrey Hepburn dancing to AC/DC's Back in Black. You guys see this before? Riot.

I know Project Runway has a cult following, but seriously, this show is so much better. I swear I'm giddy right now.

Ooh, he got a "3" from Judge Bruno.  Much deserved but dude, ouchhhh.

8:35 - Monique, actress from the film High School Musical. I kinda like her. Her partner is kinda creepy. Like molestor creepy .

8:45 - Emmitt Smith. Mike: "Hey, he can move better than Jerry Rice."  Dude is pretty good. Nothing forced, the man knows how to move.

Heh heh heh, punks. I mock you quietly now.

Instant Messaging between me and my Aunt Teri--

tbearmama: How cute was he?!
jen: I KNOW
tbearmama: I wasn't expecting much after the last athlete
tbearmama: just adorable
jen: Mike, "Hey he can move better than Jerry Rice"
tbearmama: for sure
jen: he might be my dark horse, if you,  ya know, forgive the expression

tbearmama: and such a big guy, too
tbearmama: exactly
tbearmama: she sure worked up a sweat
tbearmama: we love them!

8:55: Willa Ford, "The Bad Girl of Pop"

"Ahder Fooot!" Heh. Props for mocking her teacher's accent.

Um, she's pretty good....this year's Stacey Keibler? Anyone? She is elegant, looks effortless.

9:00 - Judges eating it up.  I think I'm right here.

Aunt T: "they were fine, just need to get past the egos." This is true.

9:06- Next up Mario "Saved by the Bell" Lopez. A crowd favorite, and the guy can move is hips.

Judge Bruno :"Do you haahve extrah batteries in your pahnts?"

Host: "Huh?"

Judge Bruno: "THINK about eeet"

<

Drop her like you're hot. Or she's hot. Or, I don't even care about this blog anymore, just DROP IT. DROP ITTTTT.

Ah, Super Maaaahrio...and your sexy, lint-free dimples (and ladies, let me state for the record that that is certainly not a battery in his pants, if you know what I mean.)

9:15: Shanna Moakler, former Miss USA, one half of Meet the Barkers reality show (and now divorcing the Blink 182 drummer). 

Not sure I like what I hear about her personal life, but I thought she was pretty good. Two of three judges try to bury her self-esteem. 

Aunt T: "Us beauty queens have it rough."

9:30 - Harry Hamlin. Paired with the girl who had the disaster that was Master P.  He looks stiff...I think he needs a few more shows to loosen up. "Maybe a glass of wine before going on," I suggest to Aunt T. Upon reflection, maybe a bottle. He's a little...intense. And you can tell he's counting while he's dancing.

Aunt T: "George came home and he's all "geesh, Teri, he's doing the best he can..." He so does not get the fun of this show

9:32 Carrie Ann says same thing I just wrote.  I should be on this show. You know the rule: "Those who can, do; those who can't, watch and criticize those people who do."

9:40 - Vivica A. Fox (Kill Bill) She looks kinda bad ass.  Feisty. Only woman contestant over 40.

Prior dancing experience? "Well, uhhhh...I played a stripper in Indepedence Day."  Heh.

She brought it I thought. Judges dig her quite a bit though Carrie Ann legitmately critiques her as Bruno crazily talks over her. What is Bruno on tonight?

9:48 - Jerry Springer. 

Jerry: "I can bring her down, but getting back up she's on her own."

Judge Lenny:  "Well, I was worried because you're not the youngest Spaniard in the pack." 

Jerry's goal: "To remain vertical and breathing." Concedes his partner drew the short straw which makes me like him a little more.

The good: at least he wore a tux.  The not so good: Weird leather belt around it.

Top shelf players:  Mario, Emmitt, Willa.

Tucker deserves to be bounced though I think Sarah be in jeopardy as Mike astutely observes, "no one really knows her." 

OKay, that was my first attempt at live blogging. Sorry if it sucks, but doing this is not as easy as it looks, especially while you're taking and uploading pictures AND IM'ing with your aunt. Oh, while simultaneously watching the show. There's was that, too.

Comments

[Nancy]

This is very entertaining, even though I am not watching the show. I love me some ass play-by-play.

[marnie]

I only read up to the Joey Lawrence part because it's on RIGHT NOW in my time zone.

For some reason I am totally digging the hair-free look he is sporting. I certainly don't remember him being so sexy playing Blossom's brother.

I shall return to read your review once I have seen the rest.

*darts back to TV*

[Nancy]

Harry Hamlin? Really?

[jen]

HH's wife was on the show last year (she was adorable) and so this year he wanted to do it. I had bigger hopes than what he put out tonight.

Marnie, I think certain men can pull this off (Vin Diesel), more often if the guy's mostly bald and avoiding the comb over or side rugs trap, I appluad this look (i.e. Bruce Willis). Joseph here I don't think has a follicle issue, this was something that he did. I think he looked WAY hotter with hair. Also, now that he's bald, his eyebrows scare me. You see the size of those things??

[TB]

They're all sort of freakishly waxed and buffed aren't they? The shine that comes off these people scares me a little.

[marnie]

Agreed. Way hotter with hair. I just have this "thing" with the security guards at work. They are all sporting the chrome dome look and I am oddly turned on by it.

That was an awesome play by play. I don't think it will be a big surprise who goes home tonight.. although Master P stuck around a LOT longer than anyone thought he would.

I don't know if I can ever take Jerry Springer seriously...

[marnie]

One more thing...

I seems as though everyone on the show is hitting the Botox and/or Restylane. I also think that Vivica A. Fox's face is now completely plastic.

It's kind of scary actually.

[Jen]

Marn, b/n you and teebs, you are right. If you're not oily on this show, you're plastic.

But let's not forget the super cute outfits, people!!

Also, now all I think of when I see JOey is So I Married an Axe Murderer.

"Head, PANTS. NOW."
"Willya look at the size of that thing...it's like an orange on a tewthpick. Like Sputnick....got it's own soelah system."

[Jen]

or if you're not oily or plastic...you're jerry springer.

[Dawn]

I feel that I would watch you and you aunt live blogging this show, before I watched the show. Your comphrehensive outlook is better than the real thing.