I am what the bruthas would affectionately refer to as "A lyrical gansta"

It's not so much that I'm deaf ("per se" my family pipes up) as it is that I contend we live in a society that gives mumbling the Green Light.  The Thumbs Up. The "Fine by us!"

Okay, admittedly I have some crap hearing issues going on.  I am the annoying person who sits next to you during a movie or television show going, "Huh, what did they just say?" And despite what you think, I AM focusing-- like really, really hard! Yeah, I'm certain my days are numbered where it's ear buds and Closed Captioning.

Excuses notwithstanding, this brings me and my battle with lyrics of popular music.  Ah, Lyrics, you are my kryptonite.  I try, I swear to GOD, I try to understand what you people are singing and maybe, if I like the lyrics, commit to some kind of music database in my brain for future reference. As it stands, I know the first 2 lines to just about every song...after that, well, you're on your own.

But I know I am not alone, as many a people have "improvised" lyrics to popular song for as long as there have been songs.  Some unknowingly doing this for years on end until one day a friend or loved one listens in, and then proceeding to crack on them mercilessly; others too lazy to care, or what I like to call, "freestylin'", avoiding my other handy crutch, "somethin'....somethinnnnn'' which quite frankly just gets boring after awhile.

In my house, when the mood strikes, yeah I sing a little bit. Sometimes quietly to myself, other times balls out with no regard to key or tempo.  ("Or key!" reiterates Mike). So tonight's rendition of Whitney Houston's "Greatest Love of All" was met with the the one-eyebrow raise.

"But this song* you know," mocked my one-manned audience as I lingered on ends of phrases where I found myself wavering, searching for a suitable a replacement word that maybe rhymed or was at least in close approximation to what it should have been.

(*I also know all the words to Bette Midler's Wing Beneath My Wings.  Lest I lose any street cred with you nice people, my Mom can't take full blame for that one after buying the soundtrack to Beaches and playing that damn song OVER and OVER and OVER.)

And then I belted the Chorus:

"I REMEMBER LONG AGO

NEVER TO WALK IN *ANY*-ONE'S SHADOW

IF I FAIL

IF I SUCCEED

....(uh)AT LEAST I HAVE MY.....(covering pause) DIGNITY!"

Yeah, not quite how Ms Houston's representation would say the lyrics went, but hey, I wasn't embarrassed. I was kickin it in my own home knowing full well I'm butchering a song. Like I said, "freestylin'".

After some discussion of my lyric replacement (Me: "Wait, I don't think those were the words. That didn't even make sense." Mike: "No, really?") I thought I'd sing another song I actually created new words for because, haha, I am just so clever.

Me: We'll make big beds, We'll make big beds, We'll make our be-edssss.

Mike: What the hell are you singing now?

Me: I know that's not the  words, I just thought they were funnier.  You know the song, (sings) "we'll make big bets, we'll make big bets, we'll make big bets..." by what's their name, Jane's Addiction I think?"

Mike: ...(oddly quiet) ...

Me: (keeps singing so he gets what song it is)

Mike: You mean 'pets'!?

Me: Uh, noooo, 'bets'! As in "making BETS".

(such a mastery of debate I have honed over the years you would say)

Mike: Uh, YEAH, "PETS" is the name of the song, Einstein. "We'll make great pets."

(he darts out of the room to get the laptop as it is now "ON" Google-style)

Me: We'll that doesn't make any sense. Why would they make great pets?

Armed with the computer, it's researched, and well, it does not look good for me as I feebley try to explain that "those guys like to gamble, right? They kinda struck me as the Vegas-lovin' kind of crew, you know?

Turns out, those nice Porno for Pyros people sang a song about martians coming to town (like SANTA!) and how we the peoples of Earth will make "great pets". 

Huh, well if you put it like that, ...sure.

Updated to add: I forgot to add this bit about Jessica Simpson muffing part of Dolly Parton's hit 9 to 5 yesterday at the Kennedy Center Honors as she performed the song in front of Dolly herself.

Jess, honey, I know.  Lyrics are, like, tough.

Comments

[marnie]

You've gotta be seriously fun at parties.

[V]

Haha...it must be in the air...I just posted about a mis-hearing of Little A's! I have bad hearing too....even people I love, like the great Tori, I still usually massacre.

[Emily]

You encounter this often...I seem to recall shattering your world when explaining that "krunk" is not the word they use in "Baby Got Back"...Didn't we have to sing the same verse over and over until you believed me??

[Teri]

My kids go nuts with me singing along in the car. I just basically require that the words have the same amount of syllables and similar long and short vowel sounds...as in belting out Cher's "IF THEY COULD READ MY MI-IIND" (uh, Mom that's if they could turn back time?)

[mamatulip]

We have this book in our bathroom, for moments when we're, uh, sitting for a while, called "Excuse Me While I Kiss This Guy." It's full of misheard lyrics...sounds like you should be in there. ;)

[jen]

mamatulip, I would totally love that book.

I aslo used to think that Irene Cara lyric went "Take your pants off...and make it happen" when in fact it was "Take you *PASSION*". It didn't help that when she appeared on Solid Gold she was wearing a micro mini dress (gold lame if memory serves) with a belt thru it thereby appearing to a 10 year old me "pantless"

[Shannon]

I gotta put in my misheard lyrics! I had a friend who regularly misheard lyrics back in 1982 and here they are:

1. "Beat It" by Michael Jackson--"Beat it, beat it, no one wants to be a fetus!"

2. "Our Lips Are Sealed" by the Go Gos was "I love Cecil!"

I miss her.

[TB]

Heh. You said Muff.

Also, I'd love to hear you sing Elton John's Yellow Brick Road sometime.

[Nancy]

Take your pants off and make it happen?!?! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!

I already need to turn the f-ing closed captions on the TV. Does that mean I'm old and decrepit?

[Jenny]

Victor is *always* making fun of me for freestyling.

I think it takes a great deal of creativity to remake a whole song yourself. It's a talent, really.

[lena]

I MUST sing while I do housework. It's just me and Whitney. Or Bette. Or, um, Barbara.

I do love your rendition Jen. You crack me up!

[Willowtree]

This is probably of absolutely no interest, but the term for it is a Mondegreen.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mondegreen

[jay]

thanks i thought thats what they said in that song too and was directed to this page via yahoo search for "we'll make big bets"