Once More with Feeling.

You might be out of shape if...

...you workout 2 days IN A ROW and on the following morning it hurts to put on your underwear.

Yeah, Sporty Spice is having trouble putting on her underpants these days.

Ow.

State of the Union

This cartoon? Yeah, this is where my head's at right now. Small to medium-sized crisis over here in South Boston as I'm going through all my clothes because apparently I got a loaves/wine/Jesus situation on my hands. My no storage apartment being the Jesus in the scenario as said clothes are, and have been for some time, fuckigneverywhereyoufuckinglook. Am now feeling very claustrophobic and the need to organize/donate/find new digs with closets slightly wider than my shoulders' width. And to cry. Just a little.

I have had this cartoon with me since mid-1990's as part of a Farside day calendar I got at my then work's Secret Santa. For some reason, this speaks (spoke) to me on a number of levels.  It currently resides on my fridge.

In case you think I exaggerate (which I do not), here's a pic at what I'm looking at (photo from last year when I got bored during blizzard 2005).

I call this: "The Joke That is My Closet". Except it is not "funny ha-ha" at all. I mean, unless of course you find people who weep openly because their heart is being ripped out of their chests amusing. In that case, this is the Conan O'Brien of closets for you!

To give this some scale, it is 18 inches wide. The same exact measurement as my shoulders.

I told you I don't exaggerate. These pics actually look better than its current state. Except now all my suits are in the front hall closet, and all my fancier and/or summer dresses and spring coats and some shirts I don't wear much but still like are maxin' and relaxin' on the couch.

Yeah, this is gonna work.

What's that saying, "the fastest way to a guy's heart is through his stomach"?  Yeah, the fastest way to bed me is to say those 3 little words every girl dreams to hear:

"Walk-in closets"

Can you kick a website's ass?

Flickr is *THIS CLOSE* to getting an ass kicking from me. Photos from NYE are done, just Flickr isn't cooperating because today that site is "running hot".

Just know they're coming.

Tiny Bubbles

Ow.

I should have known that this morning would not bode well for me.

"The burning means it's working."   

Yeah, who was the jerk that brought the "Lemoncello"? Oh, right... that was me.

Champagne yer the devil...

"Are you gonna go to sleep in your clothes?"

"Yes."

I still had my winter scarf around my neck when I woke up.

And when I did, it was to The Negotiations.

Present at the table: Me, champange hangover, guy who works the levers and pumps within my digestive system.

Me: Please, please, please, I implore thee with all my implore-edness, no throwing up. Please, ..sirs?

Them: No.

Lever guy: "'Reverse'!"

Such an act in futility, that meeting.

"Wish I could be lying with my head in the toilet...Like all normal people."

"New Year's resolution-- drink less."

Not to brag, but I'm a thrower-upper. We thrower-uppers know when we are done. As I type this, I know that "I am not done."

Do they call it "spirits" because the next day you feel like you're having an exorcism?  Because this is my new theory.

I'm reminded of my favorite line in School of Rock. Jack Black's character informs his class that he is hungover and asks if any of them know what that means. One kid pipes up, "that you're drunk?"

"No, close. It means I was drunk yesterday."

Tears on my pillow...

Mr.Nice Ass is a Yankee now.

There are no words.

"I Probably"

Let's play the game "I Probably". I'll go first:

I probably shouldn't have called the first guy I heard with an Irish brogue "Seamus"...

...especially when his name is 'Gavin'

I probably shouldn't have told him, "and you can knock it off with the fake accent, we all know you're from Cincinnati."

I Need A Snow Day.

I have been getting into work EARLY

by A LOT

and

STAYING LATE

by a LOT

and I hate December for the industry that I am in because it's the busiest time for us and it is supposed to snow tomorrow and I have a feeling it will show up AFTER WORK when I really could use it to show up tonight because

I could REALLY use a DAY OFF.

A post in which I do not mention my hair color. At all.

Okay,  Tom & Katie announced their pregnancy in early-ish October.  At that point they were saying about 3 months along, right?

Not even 2 months later, this is how she appears.

I'm sorry, is it just me or does that not look like a pillow stuffed under a coat?

It's been my observation that for the first kid, it takes a while to "pop". And by "pop" I mean a noticeable bump. If she is at the est. 5 months,  would she really be this big (if in fact, this is NOT a pillow)?

Fine, bene of the doubt, say she is this big with the first one...at  early 5 months (i.e. the Catherine Zetas, Kate Hudsons of the world, though even with their estimated 70 lbs of weight gain, did not see them get this big, that quickly), how is it that she is NOT gaining weight anywhere else, like her face? Also find it strange that she is always pictured under a caftan-type cover.  Okay, a tall girl, THAT big  in the belly region that QUICKLY,  but no discernible change in her face, arms, or legs.   Odd.

I don't know, maybe it's just a ill-fitting coat.  I'm sure that's all it is.

Memento

Last night I was thinking about what I wanted to write for my next post.  I had recently written a letter to someone and in it, spoke in some detail about how Mike & I got together.  It's actually a pretty funny story and it had killed at Girls' Night some time ago when I had given the play-by-play.  Most of its enterainment value stems from the fact that I am the one that comes off like a real dork. Certifiable.  We're talking Home Depot meets Lowe's quality tool.  And by the end of the story, I'm using a throw pillow to cover my face to hide the Shame of said tool behavior (it also doubles as a good sound barrier to drown out the women's cackles).  Anyway, I thought might be a good story to share with you.

In the spirit of, I dunno, giving Mike the head's up, I asked him if he thought that would be a good story/would he mind if I wrote about it and then quoted one of the classic lame lines of mine from that night all "ha ha ha".

Note that I asked.

The response I got was....

"                          "

I waited a little longer because apparently the Law & Order re-run he was watching was really important.  More important than, say,  a question from a person in the same room.

Still....

"                           "

I followed up, "Um, you do know that was an actual QUESTION I was asking you just then? ..... Well???"

He replied, "To be honest, I don't even remember that night."

[insert sound of record screech]

Urrr, come again?  Buddy, it's not like we've been together since the Beginning of Time NOR was the situation one that would have been deemed typical or everyday in the sphere of Hookups. And again - me being a REALLY BIG DORK?  How's this not burned into his brain and used against me daily, .....no idea.

Annnnnyway, by his response and lack of memory, I'm taking this to mean that he is a-ok with it and you know what? If he doesn't remember that night, than I guess that this is also the green light for me to take, um, "artistic liberties and licenses" for it.

And for him not REMEMBERING THE FIRST NIGHT WE MADE OUT???  Mike, can I just say, "I TAKE BACK the apology [from Wednesday] about using your razor to shave my armpits.  Oh, and the spots on my legs that I missed in the shower." 

Tell ME you forget. I'll tell YOU what for. Or whatever.

The story will be forthcoming. 

FOR SALE: Flux Capacitor- $250 or best offer

It seems my Flux capacitor is not getting the 1.21 jigawatts it needs to run properly. 

Back from Dallas and I am still having issues with Time.  And  now Dates. And God only knows what else.

After the better part of 10 hours in airports yesterday, I got back to Boston last night around 8 p.m. It took me about 30 minutes at the baggage terminal to realize that my luggage wasn't coming home with me.  Not that big a deal.  Figured it'd show up eventually and I live close enough to the airport that even if I had to drive there to get it later, not THAT huge an inconveience. Got the call during Grey's Anatomy that they had the bag and they would be delivering it to my house in the next few hours.  They just didn't know when exactly- so the asked would I be still up at midnight (um, I guess so) but I wasn't really listening all that intently cuz, well, GREY'S ANATOMY was on and I wanted to get back to the TV as soon as possible.  I could have asked some pertinent questions, say like, "does this have a chance of showing up much later than midnight?" But again. TV. Grey's. Anatomy. Figured they'd call when they got to my house so I rushed them off the phone.

At 1:15 a.m. they called me.  I was in the middle of an important REM cycle.  Bastards.   Got my suitcase though, so that's cool.

Also important to note, I left a voicemail for my boss right after my flight got in to say that I would be in late today as I had a dentist appointment (8a.m.- ugh.) After 5 hours or so of sleep, got up early (for me) and drove the thrity minutes to get to my dentist's office.

Today I managed to show up 24 hrs early for the appointment. 

What the hell is wrong with me?

Call boss's voicemail, say I'll be in on time - appt. is tomorrow. Get to work before him, tell him to ignore both my messages but - too late. He's heard them both. And the Missed Flight Story.  Laughs at me.

Anywaaaays.

On a more awesome note, Grey's Anatomy? I am really loving this show.  I mean, loved it from Day One but uh, last night? When Alex kissed Izzie?  Thought I was gonna die. Holy crap does that guy look to be an awesome kisser. HOTTTTT.  He is my new TV crush (he was already headed there; now he's just sealed his fate).

It was so hot, I had to look him up.  He lives with his WIFE (frowny face) and FIVE CHILDREN (5x the frowny face) in NY.  Guess that kills any chance I had/have.  And please, don't e-mail me that he's a Scientologist or something. My day's already been a little evil towards me (how WISH I could rant about work - cuz BOY, would I).

Happy  Monday. Here's a picture of Justin Chambers aka Dr. Alex from Grey's Anatomy.

Edited to add: No, serious. It was hot. It was't that hard, mashing kissing that actors do to portray "passionate kiss".  I really wanted to be that actress on the end of that kiss.  If you have TiVoed it, I am sorry I ruining the surprise, but at least be happy you have this on TiVo so you can watch it over, and over, and over again.